Question: How do you deal with a family member coming out?


My husband has a brother that has been visiting every weekend. Its starting to bother me. It's come to the point where with out my husband telling me i know friday How do you deal with a family member coming out? he' ll come over. Most weekend he's coming over fri and sat and sometimes he stays the whole weekend.

He loves our kids and he has a son as well that my husband loves also very much. Which he brings with him to spend the night as well. So my question is is every weekend too often or am i just being too sensitive? I was excited to spend weekend with my family since i recently stopped working on weekends.

Before we didnt get to spend family time together because my husbands days off were on the weekend and mine during the week. But since this i havent gotten that time i was excited about.

We do go out but all of us together. I don't want to offend anyone or cause any tension but i can't help how i'm feeling. This would grate on my nerves too. Another alternative would be to treat him like family. Everyone else has chores so he should too.

While you're here this weekend, could you be a sweetie and mow the yard? It doesn't matter if every weekend is too much or not for me. It's too much for you. Which is valid, okay, and justifiable. Simple Honesty: I really like your brother and our nephew, but every weekend is a bit much. Can we switch things around so it's like every other weekend is extended fam, and ever other weekend is just our fam? I'd really like to have sex this weekend. Without your brother listening in.

You can choose to include him or you can have your husband set boundaries with his brother. If you keep this bottled up? Or treat bro and son like family and if he's going to stay, he's not a guest. He can help out, clean up after himself, etc. Or he can watch the kids so you have hubby time, etc. Or just let him know you need to have at least 1 weekend alone with the hubby and kids, but he's welcome the other times.

Sorry, family or not, but this would never fly in our house. Our home is our sanctuary and our family time is extremely important to me, even when we don't have something going on. You need to discuss this with your husband, but decide what parameters you want before you talk to him. Hopefully it's temporary but it sounds like they are making it into a ritual.

Hard to tell them they are wrong. If my sis was alive, I might like to hang with her every wknd if my spouse was not filling a certain need. It's too often when the other party is annoyed. Tell him that you miss the time you had with just your spouse and kids. And not to play games, but I personally do not feel so romantic when my mom stays for the weekend, you know?

If he's a young single dad, is he bringing his kid s over, too? So you are hosting them both all How do you deal with a family member coming out? time? That edges into being used territory. I would just be honest with Hubby and say that it's too much for you, and that you dont mind them coming and staying with you a day or so but every weekend is too much and you value your family time alone.

You just again need to be honest and be straight forward, he cant read your mind and if we women dont say what we want and need sometimes, then they just dont get it : I think you'll have to talk to your husband about how you feel, but I would be careful issuing ultimatums, etc.

I know many feel that once you marry, your spouse and the family you've created comes first at all costs, but some bonds are very important. My How do you deal with a family member coming out? and I are all we have as far as siblings go. When I had a broken leg, I stayed with her. My brother in law would come and get me. When our dad died, we were all we had as far as grieving for him, etc.

We really leaned on each other. Fortunately, my brother in law loves me very much and he actually likes it when my sister and I get out photo albums or cook together, put on old records and giggle with each other. I don't get to see my sister often since she moved away. His own family drives him insane, but he truly loves us and loves having us around. We are very, very lucky. When I married, I knew going in that my husband's brother was mentally ill and my husband bore a great deal of responsibility for him.

After both of my parents-in-law passed away, he bore the sole responsibility. His brother is not easy How do you deal with a family member coming out? take care of. He is completely incapable of managing his own money or affairs. If he goes off his meds, he has to be hospitalized until they get him straightened back out again. How could anyone begrudge the devotion and responsibility that a brother takes on for another?

I know that my response is different from the others. I would just tread lightly. You certainly don't want to put your husband in the position of having to choose between How do you deal with a family member coming out?

brother and you and your own family. For some reason, your brother in law might be feeling like he needs to be around his brother right now.

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He might not realize that he's around quite so often. You don't want to cause a rift by making him feel unwelcome altogether. Bring up the subject gently with your husband and see what he says. Surely you can come to a compromise without anyone's feelings being hurt. I wouldn't like that either. Wondering if he is divorced and has the kid for the weekend and doesn't know what to do with him so he heads over to your house where there will be help with him.

Whatever the reason I would discuss this with your husband and have him speak to his brother about it. I think it depends on the family. If I wasn't at her house, she was at mine. Nearly every weekend was spent together, with one or two a month alone. But other members, one or two visits a week was too many. Others, once or twice a month! If you are annoyed by it, it's too often. I would come up with an excuse for brother not to be able to come over. Your husband should be able to man up and talk to his brother!

How do you deal with a family member coming out?

Does he call before he comes, or does he just show up? And that way he knows ahead of time that you won't be home. If he doesn't call first, just load everyone up in How do you deal with a family member coming out? car a couple times a month and go somewhere.

Hopefully he will get the hint on his own without you having to potentially hurt his feelings. That is too much, I personally. Or your brother in law has his son spend the night? No way, I would be okay with that. I mean, you have your own life and family. It is a bad habit. It is not a hotel. And, if you had your Mom or Dad or Sister or Brother over every darn weekend.

Let me tell you something. I have an Aunt, who's Husband divorced her. First of all, you shouldn't feel bad about your feelings. I totally get what you're saying. I think once a month is enough; but once every two or three months would be even better!! You need to talk to your husband about how you're feeling and then he is the one that should talk to his brother. Your brother-in-law sounds like he needs to find other things to do on the weekend.

Is he maybe uncomfortable being alone or having that responsibility to himself? Maybe the three of you could discuss it together. It's wrong of him to assume that you can devote every weekend to him. Buy tickets to things, enough for just you, hubby and the kids. Make plans to visit your family for the day, or have someone from your family spend the weekend. Make plans to go somewhere or visit friends for the day, friends who he doesn't know.

Let him know you're happy to make plans to do something with the brother one day every other weekend, but that your home is not brother's hotel every weekend. You don't want to hurt his feelings, but at the same time you shouldn't be held hostage to his visits every weekend. I would make some other plans ahead of time and tell your husband he needs to let his brother know you guys aren't available Fri or Sat or both.

But you look forward to getting together with him again soon. He probably doesn't realize he's imposing on you guys. If your husband wants to stay behind with his brother so be it. But at some point thats going to cause a rift with you guys too. You just have to be gentle about it. I feel saddened by the young man's obvious loss of a relationship of his own.

As a person who is now not close to family---I would say try to deal with it without letting your hubby know. I wish I still had close family ties.

How do you deal with a family member coming out?

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